Meghan's Story

The day I found out I was pregnant, my parents were out of town, and I literally fell on my knees and just started crying out, “God, help me! I don’t know what to do with this!”  It was because of my relationship with the Lord that I feel, even in the midst of feeling so low and ashamed I knew that He was there hearing me cry and scream.  I was 23.  There was a long grieving process that took place in my life where I had to let go of my dreams and my parents’ dreams.  Because I’m the people pleaser and I like to make things okay I had to be okay with disappointing people.  That was hard for me.  I don’t know how, but I knew it would be okay; I just did.

There was a long grieving process of tears and crying and anger that I had let myself get into this situation.  The one thing I did do that I would recommend to any girl that gets pregnant, especially a Christian girl is to seek a counselor. I wasn’t right in my head.  There were some mental things that were happening; like dreaming of an abortion, but more than that.  It was horrible.  I didn’t feel like I was myself. I know there are hormones, but it is also just this sense of attack on me that was hard.

You can beat yourself up pretty hard.  I had an up and coming career and a great education.  My parents invested a lot in my education, and I felt like I was nothing.  I wasn’t going to be able to face my church which was my life.  I was leading a small group for juniors in high school, and I had to tell them.  That was so embarrassing and humiliating, but truly humbling too.   I was able to experience that, but at the time, especially the first trimester there was a lot of pain.  I was never suicidal, but I got a glimpse of why someone would be.  It was that dark for me.

I went to counseling because it was just so black for me.  No one could help me. It was all put on by me.  I’m thankful that my parents were loving and supportive.  They were there for me.  I think I would have had an abortion had they not been so supportive.  They loved me and prayed over me during the entire pregnancy.  Having that support is what I needed to keep my head above water, just knowing that I wasn’t a failure and that it was going to be okay.  I had that perspective somewhere deep down inside of me, but at the time I didn’t really see it. Their support and the counseling that I received helped me to see it.  I was able to see that there was hope even though it didn’t feel like it.